Women’s Empowerment : Monica Lewinsky is, for me, the perfect illustration of it
Because after the scandal, she was able to rise again and become a successful businesswoman, I had to dedicate an essay on Monica Lewinsky—the perfect example of women’s empowerment.
I have read, analysed and dissected Monica Lewinsky’s essay in Vanity Fair hundreds of millions of times, and I have always held the same opinion : Monica Lewinsky, despite the infamous scandal by which she became (despite of herself) famous, is the archetype of women empowerment. And, as one of my most inspirational women, I felt compelled to dedicate an essay to her.
‘Shame and Survival’ is how she describes her experience. Her life, from the scandal to now. The shame of having been President Clinton’s willing “lover”, the shame of having found herself suddenly at the centre of a hellish political sex scandal and having had the eyes of the world turned on her. Survival, a most painful and lengthy ordeal for her, but one that she managed to face and recover from with strength and courage that I still greatly admire to this day, with big eyes and a blissful smile on my lips.
Because how can you survive, how can you not be ashamed of yourself, ashamed to exist, when you are the victim of such a media outpouring ? How and where can you find the strength, the will, the desire to continue to live when you are the subject of a worldwide humiliation ? Yes, she is the woman who was President Bill Clinton’s lover. Yes, she is the woman who had consensual sexual relations with him. Yes, she is the woman we all know today. Today—and even then, during the scandal, it has never stopped since 1998—she is judged, mocked, sometimes even neglected, looked at with disgust, apprehension, admiration, fascination. But she remains above all a human being, with emotions and feelings—the ordeal was hard, extremely hard for her. To go through the suicidal stage, not to want to go out anymore, not to want to see anyone. Hiding in a hole and never coming out again. Imagining being able to disappear, to become invisible and be forgotten by everyone in the blink of an eye—she dreamed about it, she wanted it more than anything else in the world, she went through it, too.
And yet she has managed to remain strong. To continue to live despite of everything. Despite the difficulties. The judgements, the many things people and the (international) press say. She studied social psychology at the London School of Economics, she used this time to rebuild herself, to refocus on herself—she lived, not without some difficulty, pleasantly, was not judged, in fact, she went almost unnoticed. Nobody paid any attention to her. She was a person, a student like many others. This experience allowed her to reclaim her life experiences, because for her, in her mind—and because of the press—her whole life was about the scandal. That was the only thing she had known and done in her life—Bill Clinton, her relationship with him. And so it may have, or so she thought, served as a, in her words, « gateway to a more normal life ».
But this quest to reclaim her life turned out to be more than just complicated, not as simple as in university. Her job search was not easy : because, although she had all the qualities required for this or that job, her quality of “That Woman” always fell back and prevented her from being employable. Because the recruiters who interviewed her were, for a good part of them, embarrassed to have her in front of them, did not know how to react, how to explain to her, in the most direct way possible and without hurting her feelings, that they could not afford to hire her because of the scandal. Because of her relationship with the President of the United States.
The question of men, of love, was just as complicated. I think she must have gone through a phase where… she must have looked in the mirror and thought, « This is not the woman that men want to be interested in », « That Woman cannot attract men »—a phase where, as a result of the scandal, she had lost confidence, lost all self-esteem. In the first years after the Affair broke, she dated various men but always with this “fear” inside her, this fear of being seen, of being recognised and of it appearing in the tabloids. Because—and this is still the case today—every date with a man brought her back to the events of 1998, she had to be cautious about making a public appearance [with a man]. But it was precisely these dates, these men that she met and spent time with, that gave her the self-esteem she thought she had lost, that she had shattered in 1998, that gave her the strength to continue living. These men have been special to her and, as she writes, « no matter the heartache, tears or disillusionment, I’ll always be grateful to them. »
Monica Lewinsky now considers herself to be the « first victim of cyberbullying »—which is not surprising since the scandal broke just as the internet was becoming an important part of our daily lives. The intense and unbelievable media coverage of the Affair has been extremely difficult for her to live with and to overcome. But almost 10 years later, after the tragic suicide of an 18-year-old boy due to cyberbullying, she wondered about the possibility of using her story—this story—to do prevention ? As « the most humiliated woman in the world », maybe she could use this event to help others who are also victims of online harassment ? Of terrible humiliation ? Of course, the idea may have seemed “ironic” to a lot of people, I think, the woman who, according to them, caused this scandal, the « bimbo » who hit on the President of the United States wants to turn herself into a Saint ? Into a moral giver ? It doesn’t make much sense, does it ?
And yet… that’s what she does today, and I greatly admire it. Because she has a very important question on her mind : how do we cope with the shame game as it is played in the Internet Age ? The “shame game”, the humiliation, the cyberbullying. She, as the world’s first victim (she could never escape the shadow of that first (despicable) depiction), knows about it and wants to help, wants to alert, to prevent. As she says in her essay, « my current goal is to get involved with efforts on behalf of victims of online humiliation and harassment and to start speaking on this topic in public forums »—and I find that very beautiful and inspiring.
Her image was used—and continues to be used—as a social representation, a social canvas onto which anyone could project their confusion about women, sex, infidelity, politics and body issues—so she, too, began to use her image to convey a message of hope and caring. She was the first victim of cyberbullying, the first person in the world to experience global humiliation, all at a very young age (only 25). Because at the time of the scandal, she had not yet established a new image, a “new Monica” to come back with. Contrary to what people may think, she didn’t « let it define her », no, she was young and didn’t have, as she writes, « the life experience to establish [her] own identity in 1998. » She fought, she picked herself up and worked on herself despite the difficulty. And that’s why she helps young people. Through TED talks, articles, and interviews.
And that’s why I see her as the perfect illustration, the perfect example of women’s empowerment—because she didn’t need anyone’s help (apart from her relatives and family) to get up, to rebuild herself, to build a new identity as a woman. She has become, today, a great and important woman—a woman doing prevention and helping those in need in the face of a scourge that has, unfortunately, already taken far too many lives. Vanity Fair contributor, TED speaker, businesswoman… isn’t that the definition of a successful woman ?
It is now time to stop suffering, to stop dwelling on the past. It is now time to stop being “stuck”, as has been the case for years. As she says herself, « it’s time to burn the beret and bury the blue dress. And to move forward. » And I don’t think there is a better conclusion than this.
