An Open Letter to My Hidden Lover
Philip, you don’t know it yet, but I am madly in love with you…
My dear and sweet Philip,
You will probably never come across this letter dedicated to you, but I had to write it to put on a blank sheet of paper everything I keep in my heart and to be able to tell you how I feel about you. On this sweet and quiet evening, I choose to totally bare my soul and reveal — for all to see — what you’ve been making me feel and go through since I first laid my eyes on your beautiful face two weeks ago. In a way, I tell myself that I am exposing myself to you, that writing this letter, dedicating it to you, helps me to imagine myself next to you, to imagine myself smelling your sweet perfume and admiring your beautiful smile, your beautiful accent — because after all, you are my “Hidden Lover”, right ?
I honestly don’t know where to start. I’d like to tell you that I love you with all my heart, that I’m crazy about you, that I’d like to spend the rest of my life with you and that I’d follow you anywhere, no matter what your decisions are — but I feel like that’s not enough and that I need to let my heart (and my soul) speak instead.
Philip, I have desire for you. I have love for you, passion, admiration. I love you. What I feel for you was totally unknown to me until a short while ago, but I like to think that fate has decided otherwise and has chosen, as a punishment, to constantly occupy my thoughts with the sweet memories of our meeting. Every night, I go to bed with the sound of your beautiful voice in mind, with the sweet hope that I will see you again. And every night, I slip between the sheets of my bed with the hope that I will passionately dream of you.
You may not know it, but I’d like to take you out to dinner and spend a pleasant evening with you — to learn a little more about the beautiful and mysterious Apollo who looked me straight in the eyes when he spoke to me, to listen to you talk about your passions, your plans, your future ambitions, and admire your slightly tousled chestnut hair over a delicious meal and good red wine, paying particular attention to the way your attractive Macedonian accent blends with your English one…
Your Macedonian origins are also something that I fell madly in love with. Is it because of my lifelong admiration and affection for people from Eastern Europe that I love you as I have never loved a man before ? Unfortunately, I can’t give you an answer — but what I can tell you is that they make you exotic. And that’s very attractive.
We only met a fortnight ago, but I knew the moment my eyes fell on your beautiful face and we faced each other that you were the man I wanted, the man of my life, the man I loved more than anything in the world. I fell in love with your beautiful trimmed beard, your lovely smile, your deep brown eyes in which I took pleasure in drowning. My love, my Hidden Lover, you were so handsome that day that everything around us disappeared — only the two of us and our burning souls were left in the room. And it was so pleasant.
Because yes, my love, I fell madly in love with you that day. And since then, you never ceased to occupy my thoughts. The subject of my dreams, of my wildest desires. The reason for my permanent drunkenness.
My Hidden Lover… I named you so because you mean the world to me. Because you’re my secret. My first and only lover — the lover I never had. You don’t know it, but I visualize and imagine our relationship as a hidden one, unknown to everyone. A relationship in which we live a sincere, burning, passionate love. Far away from indiscreet looks, from derogatory remarks. Because I am drunk with your smell, the softness of your skin, the sound of your voice, Philip, I want to be yours. I want to experience everything with you, to know everything — the joy, the sadness, the fights — to discover the world. Philip, I want to know you. To discover you. To live with you. My angel, I would love to stand in front of you, admire your beautiful face and whisper to you « I will love you till the end of time ».
The only place I see you is in my dreams, but that is no longer enough. I don’t like to know the side of my bed empty and cold — Philip, my love, I love you. My Hidden Lover, I miss you. Please, come back to me. Every night, you occupy my thoughts. Every night, I dream you’re here, by my side, with me.
Philip, my Hidden Lover, I write and dedicate this letter to you to tell you how much I love you madly, how much I need you. The beauty of your smile, the beauty of your face, the exoticism of your accent… my love, I write to you to show you my deep desire to see you, to have you for myself and to ask you to make me yours.
Sincerely,
Your Hidden Lover.
